birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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