I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
