I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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