Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
