I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
