the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
