I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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