i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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