Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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