In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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