Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
