So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
