she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Houston, we have a squirter
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize