I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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