Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
