If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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