How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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