I got chris browned last night
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Who died my cat blue again?
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