filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize