I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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