His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
