I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
