I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
