Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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