curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
