Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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