Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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