The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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