i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
