5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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