Where did you get a picture of my penis
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize