she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
