Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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