her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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