Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
how does that bad decision feel?
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