we have pet lesbian snakes
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
