I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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