he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
