I met the friendliest cop last night
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
