At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
