from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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