I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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