Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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