Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
