Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
