He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
