Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
