Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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