I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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