I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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