i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
