so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
