this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
