Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize