And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
