What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
