So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
