last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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