they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
