I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
