YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
