he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
