You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
