I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
