Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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