when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
