Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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