Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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