I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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