well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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