umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
