My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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