Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
