i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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