I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
