Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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