the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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