i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
