New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
