That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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