Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
