Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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