If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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