I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
