Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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