Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
