Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
