I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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