i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
not ubering you a puppy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
