I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
