dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
