Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
