u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
