oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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