His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
