we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
