The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
