i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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