apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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