at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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