I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
