She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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