I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
