Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
