I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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