Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
