Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
