Only a mothe r could love this liver
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
