Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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