So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
