I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
