just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
